Be my woman tonight, just ain’t feelin’ right

I got a four on my AP European history exam. That excitement lasted so much shorter than I had hoped. Even my check from babysitting didn’t leave me happy for long. It feels like all I can do is stare out of the window and watch the rain pour. I think I’m more tired and termpermental during the day when I go to bed at four and wake up at twelve.  I can’t help it really. Talking until four in the morning is one of the best things about sumer. I need to change my sleeping patterns or else I’m going to die next week when I have to go on a college tour at nine in the morning. I think it’s time for new shoes.

Planning

After a while, I feel like a lot of little tasks that take two seconds to do pile up and become one unmanageable mess. I am terrible at scheduling things and its like pulling teeth when I’m in a position where I have to make more than one thing concrete in my date book. Despite it all, I got my plans together and have stopped putting off painting two bedroom murals. I’m going to work all of next week on them. I will be so relieved when its all over. I have never created any art on such a large scale before and it’s just a little scary not knowing how it will turn out. I just need to remember that I can always ask for help.

Last night there was an early 4th of July fireworks display out in the country where my friend lives. All the girls came, swam, watched fireworks, ate s’mores, and played creep and seek. Everyone brought black long sleeved gear so that we would be invisible in the dark. Two people peed themselves because they were scared so badly from others popping out of bushes. My face feels pool/sun burnt from the four hours that we spent in there. It was fun like always and I feel pretty drained of energy as of now. I’m starting the first episode of True Blood right now because all of my friends love the show. I wonder who my favorite character will be. I love learning why people like certain characters because it helps you learn a little bit about themselves that way.

back home

Chicago was a lot of fun. I stayed in highland park which was a little suburb  outside of the big city. I went shopping all three days that I was there and found some really great things. I bought a really cute rocker dress from Free People that I cannot shut up about, and I also bought a cute pair of fabric sandals that look like this picutre but are made of black bathing suit fabric. Aside from an endless amount of new clothes that I have been getting since the beginning of summer, I’m going to start volunteer work soon. I’m looking into maybe working at the public library or local hospital. I’m really interested in reading tutoring because I needed help when I was little. I came from a public school kindergarten into a private school first grade and I was very much behind. In three months, not only did I learn how to read but I made my way to the top of the class. I hope to inspire that kind of determination in other kids because I know that it was empowering for me even as a five year old.

Chicago and college

I don’t hate packing, I just hate to do it in these kinds of situations. The weather has been nothing but muggy and super hot which makes me so sleepy. Basically, I’ve put of packing for a while. The floor of my room is covered with clothes and shoes everywhere. I probably should treat my things with a little more respect but seeing as I have no closet in this house, there isn’t much I can do. I’m taking a short trip to Chicago this weekend to do some shopping and sight seeing. So far, I’ve packed 12 bottoms, 12 tops, 4 shoes, and I’m still not finished. I have a little bit of an over packing problem, but you just never know what you will need to wear. Am I right or am I right? I rented Into the Wild for the drive there, so hopefully I’m not too bored. I read the actual book last year for school and it wasn’t too bad.

In other news, I might be touring a few colleges when I get to Chicago since I have made a list of schools I should start thinking about. The pressure is on to start doing volunteer hours and prepping for SATs. Today I looked at myself and asked when the hell did I grow up so much. This summer is going to be so much different from last year. This summer is still just beginning so I have no idea how it will turn out, but I know it will be totally different from last year. Looking back, last year was one of the greatest summers of my life just because of all the wonderful friendships that I made. Ok, enough for now. I’m going to start packing.

just pictures

Fashion design and movies

Between moving a sewing machine and learning how to use it, Learning how to use power tools, and a watching movies, the past couple days have been very busy. 

Starting with the sewing machine, I must tell you that my mother has amazing skill with it. I always found it scary and stressful to use, but my mind changed when I got the idea to create some dresses. I am co-creating a fashion design club for my school so that we can put on a fashion show at the end of the year. In preparation for this, I moved my mother’s old Singer Touch & Sew II into my room along with a desk to place it on. As soon as I plugged it in, I began to sew rags of a big shirt together. Without proper fabric, I used any materials I could find around the house and began to practice different stitches and folds. I’m  in the process of creating something, but I don’t know what it is. When I am finished I will post photos to this blog.

Last night there was a crazy tunderstorm and when there was a lull in the voilence, my mother and I dashed out to rent a couple movies. I chose Persepolis and Seven Pounds. I regard Will Smith as one of my favorite actors in Hollywood at the moment and was pleasantly surprised at how well Seven Pounds turned out. I started watching Persepolis right after, and found it to be even better and more creative than the movie I had just watched. I was captivated by its quirky style and mastery of the comic style. the only thing I didn’t like was the abrupt ending. Obviously a Persepolis 2 would be a dumb idea, but I really would have loved another hour tacked on to that movie.Everyone should watch that movie because there is something within the story that will resonate with anyone.

Quick update

I haven’t updated recently because of two reasons. First, I’m not near my computer this week. Second, I’m super tired due to the fact that I’ve been working out more.
Now that my room is cleaner than it’s ever been in my entire life, I’ve been catching up on exercise. For the past two days, I have given an hour to jogging on the elliptical machine. It’s a lot less stressful on my knees due to the way I run normally. It’s semi-broken so it kind of whirls when I’m on it, but not loud enough to annoy me. Yesterday I was able to burn through an hour by closing my eyes and listening to music. Today, I watched Gran Torino while Eileen was on the treadmill. We’re workout and lacrosse buddies. From the elliptical, I burned about 600 calories. For brunch I had egg whites which were only about 80 calories so I was well under my limit for today. I just finished pigging out and I’m still 500 calories under what I should be eating. I really can’t eat any more though, I might burst. It’s time for a shower and an early bedtime.

Shopping and a Douche Bagel

Yesterday I was so stressed out about my friends surprise birthday party and it’s compatibility with my schedule that I just had to go shopping. Some people say you can’t buy happiness and I agree with this. I think retail therapy can buy you a temporary fix, and that’s just what I needed. Armed with a large gift card that I’d been saving for a while, I strolled into Urban Outfitters. I didn’t expect to find a ton of things that I wanted so I just took my time sorting through the overwhelming amount of clothing. At first I just circled the store twice and scoped out what was there to get a general idea of the styles in the store. After about 30 minutes, I went rack by rack looking at pattern after pattern. I usually shy away from loud tribal and Asian patters, but I was in a bad mood and they just seemed to help. I hit up the sale section, found some more cute things, and tried everything on. In total, I bought a Truly Madly Deeply Printed Halter Cami, a Truly Madly Deeply Mix Print Babydoll top, an embroidered Ecote peach dress, and a Silence + Noise black tube top with ruffled pockets. After scoring big and only spending about five dollars of my own money, I headed next door to Forever 21. By this time I was just waiting around until my ride picked me up so I found a blue floral Heritage 1982 dress and a Floral Dash Print Skirt, bought them, and headed home.

At this point, I was totally happy with all my new clothes and exited to wear something cute for Maggie’s birthday party. Things took a bad turn when “Douche Bagel” decided to talk to me. I have a clue as to why DB would contact me for the first time in months, and it would attest to why they earned this nickname from me. I would rather eat the peanut butter that I burned in the microwave (this actually happened) than hang out with DB, I just haven’t figured out how to tell DB.

“Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it.” – Greg Anderson

I feel like there is so much competition in regards to college that everyone is focused just on the future alone. My high school environment has constantly beat me over the head asking me questions like what do you want to be when you grow up, which ivy do you want to go to, how’s your resume coming. At times, I admit to going through the motions of school and not really taking in the full experience. This happens because I’m focused on getting to my destination instead of enjoying the moments along the way. I tend to go through the school year in a numb, sleep deprived, zoned out state of being. I figure that the journey can be boring or even painful, just as long as it gets me a high paying job and a doctorate.

While I was attempting to bind my book several different ways, I continued to fail. If this had been school, I would have given up the first time had it not worked. This wasn’t school; it was something I enjoyed doing for myself. I kept improving my method, scraping off the glue, cutting new materials, and trying again. Finally I completed it. The book doesn’t look like the way I intended; it doesn’t even function the way I intended. This didn’t matter because for those couple of hours that I worked on it, I really had a lot of fun. This experience is a perfect example of the journey and the destination that Greg Anderson is talking about. If you had asked me what I thought of that quote, I would have said that it was stupid because I never focused on the journey before, just the destination. By completing this goal about a sketch book, I was able to set a new goal for myself. I want to enjoy the journey and all the steps that I take so that when I reach my destination, I’ll have memories of all the stops along the way.

I bound my book my own way. If you want instructions on how to do it the “correct” way, go here.

adjustments and a sketch book

Due to my schedule and my running partner’s, we realised that running every day was not going to work. I have set a new more practical goal to cover more than 5 miles each week. Sunday was the first day that we ran. We covered 3.5 miles by running and walking. As to be expected, I got blisters on the backs of both of my feet. I hope to become better at pacing myself and staying hydrated. When we both went home, we proceeded to do sit ups together over web cam and completed almost 100. If I wasn’t so tired from the run and the time, I probably would have done more.

Monday was a half day at school and a total waste of time. The purpose of that day is to come back and look over all the exam grades you have received from the last week of testing. I collected all my grades in a half hour yet was forced to wait out the remainder of the half day at school. Over all I received an A, two B’s, and one C. I have such an “it-is-what-it-is” attitude towards it now. I can’t change it, and most of all who cares? It’s summer! Back to the ranting about why I don’t understand the point of the last day, the 10 minute classes aren’t enough time to fully go over the test to understand the material that you got wrong, my math exam wasn’t even graded yet, and I had cleaned out my locker prior to that day so the last 45 minutes of the day devoted to that task were a waste of time.  In my case, I was chosen to be one of the students selected to test out the new Biology teacher. The last thing I wanted to do on the last day of school was be taught another lesson on something I had not yet covered, but I went anyway. She turned out to be a good teacher, much like my old Physics teacher who I had in my first year of high school. I also learned that she runs a lot and it willing to coach the cross country team next year. Seeing as I’m training for cross country, I think it would be convenient to have her as a running coach in addition to a biology teacher.

While I was cleaning my room this morning, I found an old sketch book that had my first self portrait inside. I flipped through the rest of the pages to find them all completely blank. I had been looking for a new sketchbook and debating whether or not to buy a moleskine or not. The covers and binding were falling apart but the pages were still intact and tightly glued together. I gently tore off the cover and spine of the book and extracted the pages. I am hoping to bind the book myself because it has been something that I’ve always wanted to do. I have many sketches that I want to attach to the pages but I’m not quite sure what the best method would be for attaching many little paper clippings to the pages. Creating a scrapbook collection of all my sketches is one of my goals for this summer and I’m happy that I got such a great start on the first day of my summer break.